How the ref stole Christmas

WAM!’s modified version of Dr. Suess’ classic: “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”

Every WAMbit in WAMville liked Christmas a lot…
But the Ref, who lived North of WAMville, did not!
The Ref hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason!
It could be his helmet didn’t fit just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his skates were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, his heart or his helmet,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating each WAMbit,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, ref frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in the town.
For he knew every WAMbit down in WAMville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.
“And their hanging their stockings!” he snarled with a sneer
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his cold fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the young WAMbit chicks,
Would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their sticks!
And then! Oh, the goals! Oh, the goals!
Goals! Goals! Goals!
That’s the one thing he hated! The Goals!
GOALS! GOALS! GOALS!
Then the WAMbits, young and old, would start a game for all.
And they’d play! And they’d play! And they’d play!
PLAY! PLAY! PLAY!
They would carry the ring both sides, and skate through the crease.
Which was something the Ref couldn’t stand at the least!
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every WAMbit down in WAMville, the tall and the small,
Would skate together, wearing all of their WAM gear.
They’d skate as a group. And the WAMbits would cheer!
They’d cheer! And they’d cheer! And they’d CHEER!
CHEER! CHEER! CHEER!
And the more the Ref thought of this WAM Christmas Cheer,
The more the Ref thought, “I must stop Christmas this year”
“Why for eleven years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE REF GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” The Ref laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Clause hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, clucked, “What a great ref trick!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is a reindeer…” The Ref looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the Ref? No! The Ref simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he took the Bell’s dog Ace. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN he tied down some old hockey bags with skate laces,
On a ramshackle sleigh and he hitched up wee Ace.
Then the Ref said, “Giddap!” And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the WAMbits lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark, quiet snow filled the air.
All the WAMbits were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
“This is stop number one,” the Ref Claus hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney, a rather tight squeeze.
But, if Santa could do it, so could this referee.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little WAM stockings all hung in a row.
“These stockings,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, he took every present!
New skates! And jerseys! Shin pads! Knee braces!
Ring-Jets! Elbow pads! Girdles! And skate laces!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Ref, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
He grabbed the WAM pants, he took the dressing room key
“And NOW!” grinned the Ref, “We will stuff up the tree!”
And the Ref grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound from above.
There are on the stairs, stood a wee WAMbit girl
Half a sleep, confuzzled, still wearing her pearls.
The Ref had been caught by Jamie Lynn Bell
Who’d got out of bed to phone Auntie Michelle
She stared at the Ref and said, “Santy Claus, why”
“Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?”
But, you know, that old Ref was so smart and so slick.
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little girl,” the fake Santy Claus lied,
“There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side.”
“So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear.”
“I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head.
Turned her around and he sent her to bed.
And when little Jamie Lynn Bell was fast asleep,
He stuffed the tree up the chimney without making a peep.
Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
Then he did the same thing to the other WAMbit dwellings
Leaving nothing behind, not even the lights in the ceilings!
It was a quarter past dawn…All the WAMbits, still a-bed,
All the WAMbits, still asnooze when he packed up his sled.
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The tags!
Their skates! Their gear; their whole ringette bags!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
“Take that hit you Wambits!” he was quietly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the WAMbits down in WAMville will all cry BooHoo!”
“That’s the noise,” grinned the Ref, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And the Ref put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low, then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
He stared down in WAMville! The Ref popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every WAMbit down in WAMville, the tall and the small,
Was cheering! Without presents at all!
He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! It CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Ref, with his feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!”
“It came without packages, boxes or bags!”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Ref thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
And what happened then? Well… in WAMville they say,
That the Ref’s small heart grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the skates, the sticks and the gear!
And he, HIMSELF, led the WAMbits in cheer!

**WAM does not believe any of the NRL Refs hate Christmas or would go to any length to try and steal this particular holiday. “Ref” simply fit quite nicely in the story and we hope everyone takes it in good fun. We on WAM really do appreciate our referees as we know that our game would not be possible without them. To all the Refs, NRL teams, and WAM fans, we wish you a Merry Christmas.